That's all I really could think all week. Fuck this is stupid. I want to fuck this. Fuck this... And I'm serious. What am I getting at here? My god I'm boring myself half to sleep. I do too much drugs and don't read enough. I'm overly absorbed in material and useless commodities like a new cashmere wool pea coat. Everything I want is always unattainable but why?
It's these promises I keep making to myself. Work out, eat right, no more coke, stop drinking alcohol. I smoke a fucking ton and intoxicate myself 10 minutes later. I drank a bottle of benadryl for fucks sake.
Fuck this. Finally I get it. It's a Saturday at 7 pm. I'll work out a bit, take a nice shower, maybe even walk Butters instead of saying "he's not my dog." I'll be cold under covers and sleep close to the wall. And I'll feel clean and effortless. But I say that while laying on my side thinking about whats on TV.
It's this apathy. Fuck this apathy, before it fucks me.
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