For a second...

I thought t myself that maybe I try too much to not be so lively. And when I noticed this, it died instantly.
Now I'm lifeless and ill. I want to sleep and can't. I want t eat but can't. Days of recklessness and passion lead me to a grave in the snow and I'm lying here. You'll see it under my eyes, and in them. You'll notice something died.

My word

I have to stop using words at all because they feel so empty and useless. It's remarkable how much I'm exactly what I say I'm not.
self centered self pitying self righteous self deprecating self involved self destructive
selfish
and of course I'm many times worse than that. I finally admit it.
I'm a bad person, deep down inside. I'm not good.

Ok. I admit it. It's been a long time coming. I don't need to cry about it, and I sure as hell wont change it.
So, take it me for who I am.

and My Word is honest from now on, in that my word is manipulative and conniving.

And I really think he's the coolest kid I ever met and I mean that too.
And I don't manipulate the cool ones. I can't. I feel rotten enough. I have no value today.
I just wish I had some way of making this all work in my favour and I don't even have the will to stand up.

Why Am I by Kevin Blechdom

Why am I intoxicated by you my friend?
I see your face at night when I close my eyes.
I send my thoughts to you whether you need them or not.
I can't help it, I've tried to get you out of my head and home.
I pretend your stupid, ugly and disturbing.
It doesn't make a difference 'cause if you were I'd think that's cool.